Without You- A Christmas short story Read online

You

  by

  Adrianne James

  Copyright 2012 by Adrianne James

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

  As the plane’s tires met the tarmac, jumping and skipping a bit in a less than perfect landing, Logan was awoken from the best sleep he had had in months. He craned his neck looking around, all the while trying to stretch as best as his six foot five inch frame would allow in the tiny seat he occupied. The woman in the seat next to him had fawned over him the moment he stepped on the plane and hadn’t stopped in the eight hours he had spent sitting next to her. He had grown accustomed to random people stopping him while he was in uniform. They all wanted to thank him for his service, but while he appreciated each and every one of them, that day, all he wanted to focus on was what he’d say to Serenity.

  When he was shipped out, he and Serenity had fought over his re-enlisting. He wanted it. He craved the life of the military and the structure of each day. The protection he felt he was providing not only to his country, but to her, was the best way he knew. Logan was not a spontaneous man. He planned everything as best as he could and he used the facts to make his decisions. He knew that the military would provide a home and medical insurance for him and his future family. He knew that it would provide schooling should he choose to do so. He knew that while the life of a military family was not an easy one, it was the life he felt most comfortable with.

  Serenity, on the other hand, was ruled by her heart. She was terrified he would be hurt while overseas. She had no desire to live the life of a military wife, no matter the benefits. All she could see was a family forced apart, forced to move when someone who didn’t even know the soldier said so and the potential to lose him forever. The fight didn’t end well. She decided that the things they wanted in life were too different and that she could never be happy in a relationship that was always one step away from being put through hell. For the first time in the five years that they had known each other, they couldn’t see a future together. Saying goodbye was heart breaking, but it was the only way Serenity knew to give them both a chance at the lives they so desired.

  At first, Logan agreed with her. He couldn’t see how he could be with someone who didn’t look at the facts or who simply brushed aside what was clearly a smart move simply because her heart told her to. He grew up in a military family. His father had been a Marine, his grandfather a Marine, and even his Great Grandfather. He thought the life he grew up with was a good one. No, his father wasn’t always around and yes, he did move quite a few times in his life, but he was always provided for. He knew even when his father wasn’t around, he was loved. He didn’t understand what was so bad about that. If only he could show her that he was right. If only she could see that he loved her no matter how far apart they were, that the military could let her see the other countries she always talked about or provide her with a built in group of friends in the other wives. Military wives stuck together, they were instant friends. At least that’s what his mother always said.

  The flight attendant’s voice echoed throughout the plane letting everyone know that it was time to leave and threw in a Merry Christmas at the end. Her cheery exterior tried to hide the sadness Logan saw in her eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder why.

  The plane slowly emptied, many taking a moment to stop and say Merry Christmas and a quick thanks before passing him by. He had been the last to board the plane since the military flight had been late landing so while his seat was toward the front, his bag had to be placed in the back. Logan had to wait for each person to leave before retrieving his bag as to not push his way through or hold anyone up any longer than he already had. The flight had been held for him, a single soldier, for an entire twenty minutes, because the plane coming back from the middle east had been late and they wanted to make sure that he made it to his destination on Christmas, as a thank you from the Airline.

  While waiting on the passengers, he tried to picture his reunion with Serenity. He saw her wrapped in his arms, clinging to one another in front of her big Christmas tree that was a staple of her holiday tradition. The problem was he still wasn’t sure what he was going to say to her to make that vision happen. He just knew that he missed her. Missed her so badly he felt an ache in his chest he had never known before. He knew that he loved her. He had been in love before, but no one before her had ever had this effect on him. He had tried to write her on many occasions, but it never came out on the paper the way he heard it in his head. He had to convince her that they needed to be together, that she could be happy in this life. There was no way a piece of paper could prove this to her. He had to speak to here, face to face. This much he knew. He just hoped the words would come when he saw her, instead of rendering him speechless.

  Just as the last person walked past him, he stood and went to get his bag. The large green regulation duffle bag should have been checked instead of carried on, but no one said anything about it. Loading it onto his shoulder, he turned to make his way back to the front of the plane.

  The flight attendant was cleaning up cups and bits of trash left behind from each of the seats and her fake cheery exterior had vanished.

  “Merry Christmas, I hope your day gets better.” Logan gave her a soft smile as he passed her, heading for the door leading into the airport.

  “Excuse me, Sir?” Logan turned around and saw that the flight attendant had followed him off and stood there nervously. Her hands were wringing together and her eyes looked like they would spill out salty tears at any moment.

  “Are you alright?”

  “ I will be. I just wish I was home. I don’t know how you do what you do, being away from your loved ones for so long without ever knowing when you will get to come home. Not that I’m not grateful for what you and all the other soldiers out there do. But I wanted to say thank you and Merry Christmas to you as well.”

  “We do it because it needs to be done. I hope your Christmas gets better.”

  His heart broke for the woman. He knew that she missed her family, but she was working. They had to understand that she would rather be with them but was doing what she could to provide for them. He took one last look back at the sad woman, with a soft wave, and headed for the car rental.

  As soon as Logan approached the desk, he knew the man had been a Marine. The hair cut, the posture, but most obviously, the Sempre Fi tattoo adorning his fore arm. From the moment the two began speaking, it was as if they were long lost brothers. And to most Marines, any fellow warrior is a brother.

  “Welcome home, what can I do for you?” The attendant asked.

  “Just need a car, any car. Got to get to my girl before Christmas is over.” Logan set his bag down and pulled out his wallet. He began pulling all the necessary paperwork out, to help speed up the process. “How long were you active?”

  The man began to smile, as if remembering a fond memory. He wasn’t much older than Logan was himself, and he wanted the story of why this strong looking Marine was sitting behind a desk in an airport car rental agency instead of in a uniform, but didn’t want to ask such a personal question.

  “I was active for eight years. I could have re-enlisted, but I served my country, and it was time to move on. I was going to be a dad, I wanted to be there to watch my son be born, grow up. I couldn’t even imagine missing one moment of his life. I don’t blame any ma
n who chooses to stay in, but for me? There was no choice to make.”

  Logan listened and thought about his own situation. He could remember being a child and being told why his father was gone. He was always proud of his father, a man standing up for his country and doing what he could to protect it. But he also remembered days where he wished his father was around. His mother was an amazing woman, but sometimes a boy just needs his dad. He wondered what his father would say now about the choice he had in front of him.

  “How old is your son now?” Logan asked.

  “He would have been four. He passed away last year.”

  “I’m so sorry. I hope you and your wife have a Merry Christmas.” Logan took the keys to his rental and walked away with a heavy heart for his fellow soldier. If he had re-enlisted, he would have missed so much of his son’s short lived life. He was beginning to see how Serenity enjoyed living every day in the moment.

  The snow was falling rapidly and there looked to already be at least a foot on the ground. The windshield wipers moved back and forth, as did his decision. He knew what his heart was telling him to do, but then he would chastise himself for ignoring the facts, ignoring what he knew would be a smart plan.

  The streets were lined with houses, some with decorations some without. The further along he went, the colorful lights began to pop on just as the sun was setting. Children playing in the snow laughed as they made angels or snow men, and he could just imagine the pouts and tears as he saw the doors open, parents standing there calling them back in.

  Each and every one of them looked at their children with smiles and pride shining from their eyes. It was as if this one Christmas was the perfect day to their wonderful families and they could all for one day pretend that they hadn’t a worry in the world. They were together, and that was all that mattered.

  As Logan pulled up to the small house on the corner lot that Serenity called home, he couldn’t help but take in the decorations. The trees twinkled with white lights and the yard had been filled with statues and signs, turning her little house into a mini winter wonderland fit for even the North Pole.

  Logan sat in the car, watching the house, wondering if he had the courage to do what his heart was telling him to. Could he ignore every solid reason he had for staying in the Military. Could he make a life in the civilian world and did he even want to? Yes, he did if it meant living his life with Serenity. Turning off the car and stepping out, he looked to the house, just in time to see a man exiting. He couldn’t have been a family member as he had met them all.

  The man walked to the sidewalk and opened a car door, pulling a pile of presents out. Logan realized he was showing up empty handed and almost left. How was he to declare his love for Serenity on Christmas without a single gift? The man turned and looked directly at him before walking over, much to Logan’s dismay he thought so much for his silent retreat.

  “Can I help you, Solider?” Logan took a deep breath and hoped that he wasn’t anything more than a friend. He had only been gone for the last three months, surely Serenity couldn’t have moved on so quickly. If she had, the whole trip was useless; she wasn’t as in love with him as he thought.

  “I’m here to surprise Serenity. Is she home?” Logan hoped that the man would smile and welcome him in with open arms, would proclaim to be a friend of hers, and tell him she would be excited to see him. None of those things happened.

  “She is. You must be Logan. I’m not sure she wants to see you.” His arms had crossed over his chest and his tone had switched from grateful citizen, to protector.

  “I understand that. I just want to talk to her for a minute. I took an emergency leave, the only leave I have and flew half way around the world, just to have a few minutes with her. Please, can you ask her if she would speak to me? If she says no, I’ll go.” Logan felt his heart shattering once again. He should have known that she would move on. They were two very different people. She probably realized this and found someone more like her.

  “Wait here.” The man turned and left Logan standing out in the cold. Within minutes the door was thrown open. The loud bang of the door hitting the wall caused Logan to jump, his attention going straight to the most beautiful woman running out.

  Serenity ran down the snow covered step and without missing a beat, Logan closed the distance between them in mere seconds. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist. He held her to him as if neither one would survive if a single inch of space existed between their bodies.

  She pulled away first, wiping tears from her eyes. That was when Logan realized she wasn’t wearing anything but pajama pants and a thin tee shirt. Her skin erupted in goose bumps and his hands automatically went to her arms, rubbing up and down, trying to warm her.

  “Can we go inside and talk?” He wanted to get her out of the cold, but he didn’t want to let her out of his sight. Seeing her, holding her in his arms, he knew without a doubt it was time to let his heart tell him the facts.

  “Of course.” She took him by the hand and led him through the door of the tiny house. He could smell the wood burning in the fire place mixed with the pine of her tree. But all he could see was her.

  She brought him into a room in the back of the house and closed the door behind them. The whole world only existed in the little room where they stood, staring at one another. Neither spoke right away, both trying desperately to maintain composure and convince themselves that they were really standing in front of the one person who they wanted to spend Christmas with, but never thought they would.

  “I’ve missed you.” Logan knew he had to speak first. It was him, after all, who had come to her. He was the one who needed to speak his peace and beg for her to return to his arms for good.

  “Are you back? For good?” He could see the hope in her eyes and hear it in her voice.

  “For now. But,” Logan tried to explain that he wanted her, no matter what it took but she cut him off, pushing past him.

  “Why did you come here if all you’re doing is saying good bye again? I didn’t take you as the type to drag out the pain.” Tears were rolling down her face and she turned from him to open the door.

  “Serenity, baby, wait. Let me finish. Please.” She only nodded, encouraging him to continue, but would not turn around to look at him. “I came back for you. I took my leave, my only emergency leave to come back to you. I love you, Serenity. I love you so damn much that I can’t ask you to be with me if you would be so unhappy. I can’t ask you to live a life that you have expressed so much disdain for. I won’t re-enlist. I have served our country for the last eight years, so I can leave it knowing that I did my job. I don’t know much past that, but I do know I don’t want to be away from you any more than I have to. That is, if I’m not too late?” Logan motioned towards the closed door, hoping she would understand his question about the gentleman who greeted him at the car.

  “Are you sure, Logan? And no, it would never be too late. I could never replace you, He’s just a friend from work.” she said, with tears rolling down her face. She couldn’t imagine a better Christmas gift than the man standing in front of her.

  “I’m sure that I can’t live without you.” Serenity rushed into Logan’s arms and pressed her lips into his with more force and love than she ever had before. Her hands found purchase in his hair as he deepened the kiss.

  After what felt like an eternity, yet not long enough, they broke apart, panting for the breath that the kiss had taken from them.

  “Merry Christmas,” Serenity whispered to him, never letting her eyes wander from his.

  “Merry Christmas,” Logan said, then brought his lips back to hers.